What to do when my ex won't stop communicating with me by using our child as a pawn?

Dealing with an ex who uses your child to communicate or manipulate can be emotionally challenging, but it’s important to handle the situation with clarity and a focus on your child’s best interests.

Here are some steps you can take:

1. Set Boundaries Regarding Communication: Politely but firmly establish that communication should be limited to matters directly related to your child’s well-being and care. You might say, 'I understand you want to stay involved in our child’s life, but any communication should be about their needs and not be used to discuss personal matters between us.'

2. Keep Communication Focused on the Child: When communicating, keep the conversation strictly about the child’s needs, schedule, and well-being. This can help minimize opportunities for manipulation or unnecessary interaction. Do not answer any personal questions asked.

3. Use a Co-Parenting App: Many apps are designed to facilitate co-parenting, allowing you to track messages, appointments, and other details related to your child. These apps can help ensure that all communication stays focused on your child's needs and provides a documented record in case things escalate. Here are some apps:

   1. Our Family Wizard

   2. Talking Parents

4. Document Everything: Keep a record of all interactions, especially if your ex is using your child as a pawn or trying to manipulate situations. Documenting communications will help if you ever need to take legal action or need evidence for mediation or custody discussions.

5. Seek Legal Advice (CALL US): If the situation becomes emotionally harmful or manipulative to either you or your child, it might be necessary to consult with us! We can help you understand your rights and, if needed, help modify custody or communication arrangements to protect your child and your peace of mind.

6. Focus on Your Child’s Emotional Needs: Be mindful of how these interactions may affect your child. Reassure them that they are loved and supported by both parents, but make sure they understand that they should not be put in the middle of adult conflicts. Keeping communication focused on their well-being can help them navigate the situation.

7. Consider Mediation: If direct communication continues to be challenging or emotionally charged, a mediator may help facilitate more productive and respectful co-parenting discussions.

   
   

Ultimately, the goal is to protect your child from adult conflicts and ensure that their needs remain the central focus of all interactions.