What to Do When the Other Parent Violates the Parenting Plan

(Disclaimer - not legal advice)

Parenting plans and custody orders are not suggestions—they are court orders. When one parent repeatedly or intentionally violates the parenting plan, it can disrupt the child’s stability and place the compliant parent in an impossible position.

If you are dealing with missed exchanges, withheld parenting time, or ignored provisions of a custody order, knowing how to respond—and how not to respond—is critical.

Common Parenting Plan Violations

Violations can take many forms, including:

• Refusing or failing to exchange the child as scheduled

• Consistently arriving late or ending parenting time early

• Unilaterally changing schedules

• Interfering with phone or video contact

• Making medical, educational, or extracurricular decisions without consent

• Repeatedly canceling parenting time without valid reason

Even “small” violations can become serious if they form a pattern.

Step One: Review Your Court Order Carefully

Before taking action, confirm that the conduct actually violates the written order.

Parenting plans often include:

• Specific exchange times and locations

• Notice requirements for changes

• Holiday and vacation schedules

• Communication rules

Courts enforce what is written, not what parents believed was agreed upon.

Step Two: Document Every Violation

Documentation is essential.

Best practices include:

• Keep a dated log of each violation

• Save messages, emails, or app communications

• Use co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents

• Upload missed exchanges, denied contact, or late arrivals factually and calmly

Avoid emotional commentary. Courts respond to patterns supported by evidence, not frustration.

Step Three: Communicate Once—Clearly and in Writing

In many cases, courts expect a parent to attempt resolution before filing a motion.

A single, neutral message is often best:

• Reference the specific provision of the parenting plan

• State the issue factually

• Request compliance going forward

Repeated messages, arguments, or threats can undermine credibility.

Step Four: Do Not Retaliate or “Self-Help”

Common mistakes that hurt cases include:

• Withholding the child in response

• Denying make-up time without court approval

• Changing schedules unilaterally

• Using the child as a messenger

Two wrongs do not cancel each other out. Courts frequently penalize retaliatory behavior.

When Court Intervention Is Appropriate

If violations continue, court action may be necessary. Common filings include:

• Motion to Enforce Parenting Plan

• Motion for Contempt

• Motion to Modify Custody or Parenting Time

The appropriate motion depends on:

• Frequency and severity of violations

• Whether the violations are willful

• Impact on the child

Our team can assist you in filing any of the above motions, carefully reviewing the advantages and disadvantages of each, and advising on which option is most appropriate for your specific circumstances.

What the Court Will Consider

Judges typically evaluate:

• The language of the existing order

• Documentation of violations

• Each parent’s efforts to comply

• Whether violations are isolated or ongoing

• The effect on the child’s stability and well-being

A parent who consistently follows the order and documents violations is generally viewed more favorably.

Possible Court Remedies

Depending on the circumstances, a court may:

• Order make-up parenting time

• Clarify or modify the parenting plan

• Impose sanctions or attorney’s fees

• Change exchange terms or supervision

• Modify custody in extreme or repeated cases

Persistent noncompliance can have serious legal consequences.

Special Considerations in High-Conflict Cases

In high-conflict situations, courts may:

• Order communication through co-parenting apps only (OFW or Talking Parents)

• Appoint a parenting coordinator

• Shift to parallel parenting

• Limit a parent’s discretion or decision-making authority

These measures are designed to reduce conflict and protect the child.

Final Thoughts

Parenting plan violations should be taken seriously—but handled strategically. Emotional reactions, retaliation, or informal arrangements can weaken an otherwise strong case.

If the other parent is not following the court order, consulting with a family law attorney can help you determine whether enforcement, modification, or another remedy is the most effective path forward.

Contact our office today to discuss your parenting issues and how we can help.